Building Relationships That Prepare a Church for Change by Jim Graff

When you step into a new church, it’s natural to be excited about what God might do there. You’ve prayed about this assignment, and you may already have ideas you’re eager to share. Some of your best work in those early weeks may happen over a cup of coffee. Ask someone how they came to the church and what has kept them there. You may hear about the people who prayed for their family through a hard year or the ministry where they first found a place to serve. Those stories help you see the church through the eyes of the people God has entrusted to you.

When Pastor Jason Swann told me about his first hundred days at Cornerstone, I appreciated how much time he set aside simply to get to know people. He started with the staff. He asked what was going well, where they saw possibilities, and what needed attention. Imagine what it means to someone who has served faithfully through a transition to hear their new pastor say, “You’ve been here awhile. What do you think I should know?” A question like that honors the work they’ve already done and makes it easier for them to tell you what’s really on their minds.

Sometimes a conversation will help you see a decision in a different light. A ministry that looks small on paper may be where several families first felt at home. A practice you’re ready to change may have helped the church through a difficult time. You may still decide it’s time to do things differently. When you understand why something matters to people, you can talk about the change with a tenderness they’ll feel.

Jason and Jenny also invited staff couples into their home for dinner. I love the simplicity of that. Around a table, people have a chance to tell you about their lives, and you have a chance to share a little of yours. Depending on your season of life, that might look like a cup of coffee or lunch after church. What people will remember is that you made time for them and were glad to hear their story.

Jason widened those conversations to include church leaders, the congregation, and the community. He shared his story and vision and made room for people to ask questions. I’ve found it helpful to tell people what I believe the Lord is showing me and then ask what they see. A volunteer may know how a change will affect families on Sunday morning. Someone who has served for years may remember what the church learned the last time it tried something similar. I’m grateful for the ways the Holy Spirit helps us through the wisdom and experience of the people around us.

Ephesians 4:3 asks us to make every effort to preserve the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Sometimes that effort looks like sitting down with someone who’s uneasy about a change and giving them time to finish telling you why. It can also mean going back to a staff member and saying, “I’ve been thinking about what you told me. It helped me see something I’d missed.” When people see you follow through, they know their words mattered to you.

I also appreciated Jason’s approach to preaching in those early months. He returned to passages he had studied deeply and helped the church see how they spoke to the work ahead. If you’re carrying the weight of a new assignment, you can draw from the Scriptures the Lord has already used to shape you. That gives you room in the week to sit with people and care for them as you’re getting to know the church.

As relationships grew at Cornerstone, Jason moved forward with the mission he believed God had given him, including reaching smaller communities. There will be decisions you need to make early, and you can make them with care. Tell people why you believe it’s time to take that step. Give them a chance to ask what it will mean for them and where they can help. That conversation can make the difference between hearing about a change and feeling invited to be part of it.

If you’re beginning a new assignment, think of one person in your church whose story you’d like to hear this week. Make time to sit with them. Ask what they love about the church and what they’ve been praying for. You may come away with a better understanding of where God is leading. You may also come away with a friend. Years from now, what that person remembers about your first hundred days may be the afternoon you sat down and listened.