26 Dec Balancing Family and Ministry Time, Part 2 by Pastor Jim Graff
In part 1 of this blog, we talked about how any of us that have been in ministry for any amount of time know how important it is and how much effort and intention it takes to balance life and ministry. If your family crumbles, your ministry crumbles with it. I don’t want that for you, Pastor. That’s why I’m sharing with you the seven things my family and I do to utilize our time in a way that balances family and ministry and brings honor to God in the process. I believe wholeheartedly that when we as pastors get this right, it serves as an example to the families in our churches, and they will see it and model it, leading to their own personal and relational health!
If you missed the first blog, you can read part 1 here.
Moving on to the fifth item on our list, let’s begin!
5. Create a family calendar. God said, “Six days should you work.” The seventh day, the sabbath, is a gift. Tamara and I have an understanding here that “honey-do’s” don’t make good sabbath activities for me. They don’t feel like a gift. Sabbath is a time of rest and recovery, so we’re deliberate in planning things that will refuel us for the week ahead and not leave us feeling more drained or stressed.
6. Create a continuing ed plan as a leader. The reason a lot of pastors overwork is because they don’t want to fail. That’s obvious. That’s why everybody overworks. But as pastors, sometimes we can feel like, “Man, I work for God. I for sure don’t want to fail at what God’s asked me to do.” And before you know it, you’re overworking and you don’t recognize that the real answer isn’t overworking; it’s getting yourself sharper so you do what you do better than you used to do it. It’s like what Abraham Lincoln said, that if he had to cut down many trees, the first thing he would do is make sure his blade was sharp. The Bible says that if the axe isn’t sharp, more strength is needed, but skill always brings success. So I just want to encourage you, Pastor, to have a good continuing education plan every year and to put your pressure on that instead of on yourself. Make sure that you don’t violate your family time because you’re always working, because you feel like you’re doing this for my family. When your children get older, they’re not going to feel like you were doing it for them. Your spouse isn’t going to feel like you were doing it for them either.
My daughter Emily plans her personal growth for the year with a 3 P’s process: prayerfully, partnership and perspective. She says that she approaches planning prayerfully, asking, “Lord, who do You want me to become this year?” Then she plans it in partnership with the leaders over her. She knows that leaders often will see blind spots or opportunities for growth in us that we may not see. And finally, she plans with the future perspective of who she wants to be a year from now. She asks questions like, “Do I want to be better at communicating interpersonally? Do I want to be better with my finances? Do I want to be better in a certain aspect of my career,” because if we don’t think about these things, we are probably not going to make progress toward the goal of who we want to be.
My daughter-in-law Kristi has a great perspective here as well. She has worn many hats in the ministry over the years and knows how frequently roles can change. It can take a lot of time to execute things we’ve never done before, so she’s learned to be proactive with development rather than reactive. She asks herself, “What are some things I need to be learning and growing at so that when the time comes, I can execute my tasks efficiently and effectively?” This mindset gives her the space she needs (and space we all need as leaders) to keep frustration and burnout at bay.
7. Manage the time suckers. The Bible is clear that we’re to give our primary attention to prayer and to ministry of the Word. If your prayer time feels rushed, or your sermon prep time feels rushed, that’s never the will of God for a pastor. People can tell if we’ve been with God or not. Martin Luther said, “If it’s one day, I can tell. If it’s two days, I think my wife can tell. By the third day, the whole church can tell.” People follow us because we follow Christ. Whatever time sucker keeps us from prayer and ministering the Word to the best of our capacity, we need to address it.
I think of my time this way: I have my time, which is my time with God. I have prime time, which is my sermon prep time. I have grind time, which is when I’m building all my teams. Then I have find time, and find time is when I’m finding the key people in my world and making sure all my relationships are good. When we stay grounded in prayer and the Word, and we build healthy teams, the church will be filled with flourishing relationships.
When I started ministry, I didn’t feel like pastors were supposed to do all of this. They were to put on good services that attracted outsiders, but I see things differently now. As pastors, we’re called to do more. We’re called to help people have flourishing relationships.
Sometimes people can suck your time. I think it’s important to say this plainly to pastors because when service is over and all our staff is available to everybody, sometimes people can come and suck one of our staff’s time away. We have to keep a watchful eye on this and make sure that if something is going to take considerable time, that we’re encouraging it to be booked during office hours rather than after service when everyone is tired and ready for down-time.
Tamara always says that God calls us to be good examples as a family. People need good examples like this – not perfect but good. There is so much relational brokenness. They need to see what works modeled before them. If you, pastor, can show others how to love each other, how to invest in each other, and how to use their time wisely by modeling it with your family, it will be helpful to other families within your church.
When someone wants to take up your time, it’s okay to say no. It might not be for anything bad. It may be a really good reason they want your time, and you might feel bad saying no, but honestly people will understand. My son Geoffrey has taught his team, “You can be clear and kind at the same time.” He’s had to tell people, “Man, that sounds fun, but no, I won’t be there. I’m sorry. My wife and I have plans that were already on the calendar.” People can understand that, and if they don’t, they’ll learn to!
My friend Pat Murray says, “Planning out front disallows time suckers to invade the essential.” I think that’s worth remembering. As you’re learning to balance your family and ministry time, I hope that you will see the power in planning ahead. This gives you the ability to include in your schedule what matters in terms of your personal and relational health before time suckers attempt to steal from you.
Time is the most precious commodity – one you can’t get back, so it’s important that we use it wisely. Make a plan and stick with it. You will flourish. Your most important relationships will flourish. And in turn, your church will flourish! God bless!
This blog was created using content from the webinar How to Balance Family and Ministry.