13 May Why Millennials and Gen Z Are Leaving Church (And What To Do About It) by Joe Cameneti Jr.
We all need to grow in the area of reaching the Next Generation. Recent Pew Research shows that 49% of young adults who were raised Christian no longer identify as Christian. Why? Some of their top reasons were that they just don’t believe any more, they dislike organized religion, and they are religiously undecided.
Another study, done through LifeWay, asked college-aged students why they stopped attending church. Some said it was because they moved to college, but others said they found their church members to be judgmental or hypocritical, and they didn’t feel connected to them. I found that interesting.
It reminds me of a 2011 study done by Barna. They too were looking at young people who had left the church. Now, this was dealing with the Millennials instead of Gen Z, but one of their top reasons was that they were not given a safe space to express or wrestle with their doubts about Christianity. I think a lot of well-meaning parents, pastors, youth pastors, and small group leaders back then felt threatened when the young people were coming to them, questioning the Bible. I think a lot of their responses as leaders came across as combative or, at the very least, were invalidating and unhelpful. It’s not useful to snap back, “Well, because the Bible says so.” Although that is true, I don’t know that accomplishes much.
In his book The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism, Tim Keller says,
“A faith without some doubts is like a human body without any antibodies in it. People who blindly go through life too busy or indifferent to ask hard questions about why they believe as they do will find themselves defenseless against either the experience of tragedy or the probing questions of a smart skeptic. A person’s faith can collapse almost overnight if she has failed over the years to listen patiently to her own doubts, which should only be discarded after a long reflection. Believers should acknowledge and wrestle with doubts, not only their own but their friends, their neighbors. It’s no longer sufficient to hold beliefs just because you inherited them. Only if you struggle long and hard with objections to your faith will you be able to provide the grounds for your beliefs to skeptics, including yourself, that are plausible rather than ridiculous or offensive. And just as important for our current situation, such a process will lead you even after you come to a position of strong faith to respect and understand those who doubt.”
Shouldn’t the church be the place you run to when you’re facing doubts and wrestling with questions? What if we could create that kind of safe space for our youth and young adults? I think that is what they are craving. I don’t think they want to come to the conclusion that God is not real or the Bible is not true; they just need somewhere to walk through the process with somebody safe who they believes loves them enough to walk it with them.
Remember doubting Thomas? Thomas had watched Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead. He had watched blind eyes open and lame men walk. He had a lot of proof of what Jesus could do. I find it interesting that despite all of that, Jesus didn’t rebuke Thomas for his doubts when He appeared after the Resurrection. He actually took a step to meet Thomas in his doubt and show him proof. If our Savior can do that, and He had every right not to, then I think we can follow suit.
Imagine if we could create a safe place to walk patiently through doubt with the next generation.
Two years ago, one of our students graduated and moved away to college. He did not grow up in an environment with parents living out their faith. They attended church, but he was exposed to secular thinking and struggled with same sex attraction and more. I hadn’t seen him at church for a while before college, but when I found out he had left college and came back to town, I decided to invite him to grab some lunch with me. He agreed, and over lunch he started talking with me about his struggle with what the Bible teaches.
Now, the Joe of ten years ago would have drawn a hard line there and told him the truth, and maybe that would have been our last conversation. But I have learned the skill of listening over the years. So I listened, and then I made him an offer. I said, “What if, for the next couple of months, we read through this book called The Purpose-Driven Life?” because he was trying to find his purpose. I said, “You don’t have to agree with everything I say, and I don’t have to agree with you, but what if we just walked through this idea of purpose together?” He was willing, and after a couple of months of us discussing purpose, he’s back at church. Yes, he’s still wrestling with some questions, but how much better is it to have him in the environment of church where he can experience the presence of God and see God’s grace and goodness!
Pastor, never once has judgment led me closer to Jesus, personally. And I have never changed someone’s mind through a comment on Facebook or Instagram, well-worded or theologically accurate as it may have been. Lives change over coffee or lunch, and that’s because God’s kingdom moves at the speed of relationships.
There may be some people you know that are throwing out wild theology right now. They don’t have it figured out. They might be confused. In those moments, I remember to bite my tongue because I’m talking to a spiritual baby. They’re not ready for the deeper things, but I’m going to help them, one step at a time, to grow in their relationship with God so that they get there.
Robert Madu, a pastor in Dallas, has a great quote: “God did not call us to change people but to love people and let Him do the changing.”
Our chief job as pastors is to love the next generation and lovingly point them to Jesus. So who are the young people in your orbit right now? They are probably just one invitation away from a deeper connection with you. And here’s the cool thing: When you spend time with them, all of the hard conversations will become so much easier. I guarantee if you will have lunch with them a few times a month and let them they see your love for them, they’re going to come with their tough questions. It will naturally happen.
A 20-something named Mark showed up at our church. He had a horrible family life growing up. Dad wasn’t in the picture, and Mom didn’t want anything to do with him or with God. He ended up joining our small group called “Rooted,” which was made up of young adults and people in their 60s and 70s. You would think they would have nothing in common, but after twelve weeks, they had shared stories. They formed deep bonds, and he shared his story openly and wept as he talked about his father wounds. A middle-aged guy in the group, Paul, felt led by the Holy Spirit to ask Mark if he could give him a hug. So right there, he gave Mark a hug, and they clung to each other, weeping. Paul began whispering validations and affirmations to Mark. Mark began to respond, and we were all blown away at what God did. A couple of weeks later, Mark was baptized. I’m telling you, his life has been transformed. He has been re-family’d into the family of God!
I want you to hear these stories and imagine the difference you could make in a young person’s life by reaching out and being intentional. If you and your leaders will make yourselves available, the percentage of young people who leave your church will start to diminish, and that will be something worth celebrating!
This blog was created using content from the webinar Why Millennials and Gen Z Are Leaving the Church (And What to Do About It).